Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Flood. (August 28 [Rod & Linda])

Yesterday ended much like it began. Calmly focusing on the here and now, and being too tired to carry out the final duties of the day.

A valiant attempt was made to be productive at the end of the day yesterday, but I couldn't. So I started the new day, today, with a similar attitude.

More class, more work, more time to focus on the here and now.

Class was easy, but long.

Work started earlier than I thought it would.

Pizza was delicious, even though I shouldn't have spent the money needlessly (it's been a trend here towards the end of the month).

Shortly after work began was when the rain started.

Conversations started happening. Thought started flowing freely to not here, not now, not important. I began to reconsider my recently found peace, and started remembering the dreams that were dreamt, the thoughts that were thought, and the things that have been left unsaid.

No. It's not going to happen again. Every time I find some piece of mind worth hanging on to, it becomes messy. Things start getting brought up, words are spoken that illicit responses that are unwanted, and it's lost. The moment of piece lasted about a day, but I should have saw it coming… I couldn't hear the music. I didn't see it coming, until it was too late.

Rough day at work.

Sitting at home after dinner.

Trying to relax, trying to regain my peace… the flood is upon me.

Relaxing. Visiting. Reflecting. Water.

Through the door.

Over the floor.

Rushing.

Dirty.

Unstoppable.

The water was rushing down the steps and to my door. It valiantly tried to hold back the tide, but it was no use for the torrent. The rain had come and it was coming in.

I thought there was a drain, and escape hatch for the water to go, but it was just a façade. There was no where for it to go but in, and in it came. I opened the door and let the water in. I wasn't thinking. I didn't know what to do. I panicked. I moved stuff.

Quick, the books. The shoes. The chair. The couch. The electronics. Quick, call the landlord. I need help. I'm sinking in the water. The flood is here and I'm not sure what to do.

The rescue ship was there in a hurry.

Buckets in two.

The bailing began. Barricade the entrance, don't let the water in. We have to stop the flow before it gets any worse; then we can repair the inside.

Following their lead, I stepped back and watched them work. They had been through this before, moving gallons of water over days of work. It's no surprise they moved with lightning speed and divine grace. I stood back and watched as the ship was righted and the mess was cleaned up.

The storm was still bearing down on us, but the rescuers stood watch through the night to make sure it wouldn't happen again…

Ready… set… go!

… to be continued!

Pre-Flood. (August 27 [N/A])

Unfortunately, this is pre-dated, since I have once again fallen behind on my project. This is, in fact, being written on August 29, 2014, two days after it was supposed to have been done. So, this is my attempt at catching up by writing 3 pieces in a single night. Each of these pieces will be an attempt at telling a single story in three parts. We'll see how it goes. Hope you enjoy this as much as I am… which is just a little bit!

There is always a calm before a storm. Regardless of what type of storm it is—tornado, hurricane, emotional, volcano—there is always an eerie moment where everything is still. That was today; the calm before the flood.

I woke up feeling ok. I went through my day with no real issues: food, class, work, and home. There have been thoughts being thought, and dreams being dreamed over the past week, but I have made several attempts to push them out of my mind. They weren't getting me anywhere, since most of my thoughts are circular anyway, I decided to let them go.

This is the pre-flood, calm. I was letting things go. Trying to stay focused on the future, the here, the now and not the worries that have been coming up. Not the fears or the regrets, or the misunderstandings or the longings. None of it. I just wanted to focus on the moment and get through the day. I was at ease, for a moment. For a time I was at peace. I was able to just be in the moment, for a moment.

The calm before the storm was upon me, but just like the movies when they can't hear the creepy music when they are about to be attacked, I didn't see the clouds rolling in. I was in the moment, and the moment was sunny (and a little humid).

I woke up. Went to class. Went to work. Went to class. Went home. Easy.

I should have felt the swing though. I should have sensed something coming; something building; something about to break. My transition back to class wasn't that smooth: hit traffic, had to detour, and had to run 2 blocks to make it to class on time. Got a disparaging text during class. Was tired, sweaty, and ready for a break. So, I go home. Something was coming, but I couldn't hear the music. I couldn't hear the storm coming.

It was coming. It was just beyond the horizon. The sun began to darken, the day began to end, the focus on the moment was slipping into oblivion. The storm was formed and ready to unleash its hell on the world.

Ready… set… go!

… to be continued.

Just Keep Writing... (August 26 [Literacy Class])

Ideas.

Organization.

Voice.

Word Choice.

Sentence Fluency.

Conventions & Presentation.

Through my Primary Literacy Methods course I will learn how to be a better writer. I will deconstruct the writing process in order to gain insight into the world of writing, so that I might do a better job. Above are the "6 traits of writing," which if done well make for masterful pieces of writing.

I want to learn how to be a writer. I want to learn how to do it well. I want to make it a hobby, something I do for fun. Something I do to escape. Something I do to decompress. Something I do to stimulate my mind powers. Something I do to reach other people.

I have been told several times that I'm a good writer. I once turned in an internship journal and the professor proclaimed that it was one of the best things he has read ever. He also made similar remarks on my papers that I turned in for class. At one point he was willing to work with me on editing one of these papers in light of potentially having it published in a journal. However, I have since lost that paper somewhere (I'm pretty sure it's at my parents' house), and have lost the ability to access that journal for publication. I have the ability to do a lot with my words, but I don't know how.

Ideas: what am I writing about, what is the subject matter, what details make the story come alive?

Organization: what is the format of the piece? Paragraphs, single lines?

Voice: am I fully in the piece of writing, can I be heard throughout the lines, in between the lines, over the lines?

Word Choice: can I say things in a more vibrant or creative way?

Sentence Fluency: how does it flow? Do the words roll of the mental tongue or does it require work to get through it?

Conventions & Presentation: Is everything spelled correctly? How does it look on the page? Font type, size, color, pictures?

I know all of these things, and yet I'm still not sure I'm a good writer. I lack motivation. I lack inspiration. I lack the confidence to put pen to page over and over again. I fear revisiting work, because I don't feel as if it was very good to begin with, so there is nothing I can do to make it better. I have never edited a piece that I wrote since starting this project. I have merely let the words fall onto the page and walked away. There are pages and pages of poems, prose and story sitting on pages that are dying to be worked with. Remodeled, reworked, created new, but I don't. I write and walk away. There is no conventions to be hold. If it sucks it sucks, and if it's decent it probably sucks too!

I even got 2nd place at the Des Moines Poetry Slam once. I probably should have gotten 3rd, but one of the people went well over the 3 minute limit. However, nonetheless, I got to read 3 of my pieces and they liked them. I read for my friends, and they like them. I did a whole set during a show I put together and it was fun. There are shining moments of glory out there, which I should just focus on to push me forward. Then I remember the one time I went to DM Social Club's Open Circus to read a set of pieces, and it wasn't so great. The crowd wasn't into it, it was late, nobody was really there to listen, and I was well out of my element. It wasn't so great. I remember the one time I submitted pieces to be considered for publication and didn't make it. It made me a little sad, but I had no grandiose ideas of making the cut.

However, all writers will tell you that being rejected is just a part of the game. One of my professors has a bulletin board of letters of acceptance and rejection for submissions… I bet you can't guess which side has more letters on it. Our stories won't appeal to everybody, but if we let it stop us for telling them then, nobody will hear them.

I am convinced that something I have to say is going to change the life of one person in my lifetime—if it hasn't already. I just have to remember that my story is just as good as everybody elses, it is just a matter of:

Idea.

Organization.

Voice.

Word Choice.

Sentence Fluency.

Conventions & Presentation.

Keep writing world. We have work to do!

When August Ends! (August 25 [N/A])

What happens next?

Where do I go from here?

These are often the hardest questions to answer, because we really have no idea. We see life pass before our eyes and wish we could just grab a hold a go for the ride too. That's the point, I feel like, I am at right now. Nothing spectacular is happening, but I feel like I'm missing out on life, on adventure, and dreams coming true.

I have only had one day of class and I'm already back to the mindset that this is all a waste of time and money. It wasn't even a particularly difficult class to get through either, if anything it's probably a projection of my fear for tomorrow. I have 3 class back to back, and I'm scared. I'm afraid of having to do 30+ hours of practicum hours, working 30+ hours a week, doing homework, writing lesson plans, writing papers, finding time to continue writing, and anything else I might want to add to this list of things to do. This is the path I have chosen, and I want off. However, the question then becomes, what are you going to do?

I quit a full time job because I was going back to school, but my friends can attest that all I did was bitch about the job. Mostly because of the people I was working "for," who feigned a real interest in what we were doing, but didn't really put forth effort into really knowing what we did. It was bullshit, and it made me really angry to have to deal with it. That and they weren't going to pay me enough to stay part-time while I went to school—got bills to pay! I was accepted to a 2-year teaching program that would have sent me to North Carolina to teach Middle School Science, but I turned it down because I found out I got accepted to the school I am currently attending.

Before that, I studied religion and human services, volunteered at a church in Milwaukee for a year, and then starting working again. It has been a long winding path that has led to this point where I decided to write for 31 days straight. What am I doing with my life?

I don't know the answer to that either, however this isn't the point. The point is August is coming to a close, which means that this project will be wrapping up in the next week or so. This, then, means that I need to figure out what comes next. Do I keep writing? Do I take a break? Do I revisit older pieces and make them better? Do I embark on different creative projects? I don't know.

Hopefully by the time this month is over I will have a better picture of what the next few months will look like in terms of school and such. Then I can really figure out what comes next. Some of the ideas I have had are presented above, but then an interesting idea was to take pictures for these writings, or other writings to I suppose would work as well (since some of these aren't very good).

I have never been really into taking pictures, other to document cool stuff I have witness along the way: trip to Denver, trip to Milwaukee, Root Beer, etc. I have never really been into taking pictures, but it could be an interesting challenge—find visuals for the pieces I write. Or take pictures and write pieces about them. Remembering the moment, the feelings, the time, the day, everything about it captured in a single frame, then turned into some magical words. I don't know.

I just needed to write for today, since I fell behind, and this is what came out. I'm sure there are more meaningful things I could write about, but the goal was to write every day, not neccesarily produce works of art. So there!

Nonetheless.

Almost there… but not quite! (August 24 [N/A])

I fell behind on this project.

I started classes today, and I should have wrote last night but I didn't.

I just want it to be over.

Now is the time where the fun has left the project, and I want to quit, but I can't. I can't stop.

If I stop now, I'll not start again for another 6 months and I really want to hone my craft.

I want to be good at something; I want to be known for something; I want to be actively participating in a community again.

This is my little freak out rant page. It's been 25 days of this challenge, and I tell you it hasn't been easy. Finding the time, energy and inspiration has been really tough. Now with only 5 days left, you think I would have hit my stride, but I haven't. If anything I've only slowed down.

Here's hoping I can come up with something to carry me through the next 5 days, so you can read all of these and see how badly I have done this month.

Some of them aren't so bad, but still. Not great!


 

Drinking the Kool-Aid. (August 23 [Everybody])

Note: The following list is taken directly from http://www.acts29network.org/about/distinctives/. I have not altered, manipulated, or in any way/shape/form changed the information that is to be presented. I merely copied and pasted the pieces that I found particularly interesting. They are in the order that they are found on the website, but without all of the information. This is not an attack on this network, nor an attack on people who feel these things to be true. Merely an expression of some of the thoughts that these lines have produced in my mind. By all means, feel free to think what you want—I am but one man! There are also other churches who present similar views, just take a few minutes and google some churches and read their belief statements. They are out there, you just have to look!

THE DOCTRINAL DISTINCTIVES OF ACTS 29

Acts 29 is a network of church-planting churches that stands in the tradition of historic evangelical confessionalism. While we believe it is vital that the Elders of each of our local churches determine where they stand on doctrines of second importance, we do wish to make known our convictions on the following five distinctive theological foundations.

  1. We believe the gospel is the good news of what God has graciously accomplished for sinners through the sinless life, sacrificial death, and bodily resurrection of his Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ, namely our forgiveness from sin and complete justification before God
    1. This Gospel is not only the means by which people are saved, but also the truth and power by which people are sanctified
    2. The salvation offered in this gospel message is received by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone; no ordinance, ritual, work, or any other activity on the part of man is required in order to be saved.
  2. We believe that through the work of the Holy Spirit, God will draw the elect to faith in his Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, graciously and effectually overcoming their stubborn resistance to the gospel so that they will most assuredly and willingly believe.
    1. We also believe that these, the elect of God whom he gave to the Son, will persevere in belief and godly behavior and be kept secure in their salvation by grace through faith.
  3. The Holy Spirit who indwelt and empowered Christ in like manner indwells and empowers us through spiritual gifts he has bestowed for the work of ministry and the building up of the body of Christ.
    1. We all recognize that they are divine provisions central to spiritual growth and effective ministry and are to be eagerly desired, faithfully developed, and lovingly exercised according to biblical guidelines.
  4. Both men and women are together created in the divine image and are therefore equal before God as persons, possessing the same moral dignity and value, and have equal access to God through faith in Christ
    1. Therefore, women are to be encouraged, equipped, and empowered to utilize their gifting in ministry, in service to the body of Christ, and through teaching in ways that are consistent with the Word of God.
    2. God has given to the man primary responsibility to lead his wife and family in accordance with the servant-leadership and sacrificial love characterized by Jesus Christ.
    3. The Elders/Pastors of each local church have been granted authority under the headship of Jesus Christ to provide oversight and to teach/preach the Word of God in corporate assembly for the building up of the body.
    4. The office of Elder/Pastor is restricted to men.
  5. We are called to make Christ known through the gospel and, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to bring his lordship to bear on every dimension of life.
    1. The primary way we fulfill this mission is through the planting of churches that plant churches and the training of their leaders
    2. We also believe we are responsible neither to retreat from our culture nor to conform to it, but with humility, through the Spirit and the truth of the gospel, to engage it boldly as we seek its transformation and submission to the lordship of Christ.

Welcome to the (near) fall. The time of year that things begin to change. The weather cools. The leaves turn colors as the trees prepare for their yearly slumber. The birds start flying to their more habitable vacation spots. The animals start gathering food more fervently as to stock up for the coming months. And I. I begin to get back into academic mode. I begin to search out the tough questions that my soul feels need answering. I begin to yearn for new knowledge and new insights into things that I previously felt I had a grasp on. I begin to rethink my theological stances, and divine understandings.

This is the time of year, about when school starts back up, that I begin to dig into the mainstream faith systems of people I know and respect in order to make sense of it. This is usually some random piece of Christian theology that seems to contradict itself, or at least my understanding of the faith tradition.

You see, I like learning things. I like making people uncomfortable by presenting information about their faith system that they may not get exposed to during their weekly romp with the divine. However, it should be stated, that I am no expert—by any means. I have a bachelors from a Lutheran school, where I studied religion, but this is not a worthwhile credential. I has provided me with a little foundation to better explore the world of theology. My mentors and friends have provided me with tools and insights that have allowed me to look into the abyss that is theology, and I like to use those tools and insights to stir up trouble.

With all of that being said, I would like to address some things that I have come across lately. Maybe it will be interesting, maybe it will be stupid. What matters is that I share it so that maybe my mind will let go of it enough for it to slip past. I have a firm grip on it right now and it is beginning to hurt my mind hands, so let us journey into the darkness that is my mind in hopes of providing some relief to my tired sour. Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be fast and dirty….

Grace is a free gift provided to the world by god through the sacrifice of his only begotten son.

Grace has to be fully and knowingly accepted in order to be fully passed on to the recipient here on earth.

This grace is talked about in the gospels, which translates as good news. So, it is only good news to those who knowingly and fully accept the gift, which is free… but requires us to accept it first in order for it to be ours.

When we accept this not-so-free gift, we are given special powers, which have to be used/monitored/whatever by scriptural standards, which may/may not be found in the gospels.

These special powers also allow men to be leaders and women to the loving/caring side of Jesus.

Women, then, cannot be leaders in the church because they should be loving/caring for their husbands and such.

Then, we're supposed to bring in people and teach them these things so that they might go forth and create more like-minded folks.

Now, like I said previously, this is just one manifestation of a faith system that people live out and push forth into the world. I paraphrased, or rather interpreted what they had posed on their website in the lines above so that there is a basis for what comes next. You see, this is one of the problems with today's churches. They bring people in, they create like-minded folks, and then send them out into the world so that they can do the same. I am not against churches; I am not against pastors; I am not against longing to be a part of a community; I am not against a lot of things in this world, which is probably the cause of a lot of my problems.

I do have a problem with people taking advantage of the lay folks in their communities. They know that the people sitting in the pews, or the chairs, or whatever, do not have an interest in understanding what the bible really says about things. They know that the average person doesn't have a vested interest in the life of ancient Jews or people living in the Middle East 2000 years ago. They know that the people want to hear the gospel, and then go on about their lives for the rest of the week. So what happens? We tell them the things that we want them to think the bible says. We tell them the things that will make them feel comfortable in their shoes as they walk through the rest of their week. We create in them a sense of pride and prejudice—a veritable list of what's ok and what's not ok so that they do not stray too far from the line we want them to toe.

In the modern era of America, it is all about toeing a line: in church, at work, in friendship circles, on the internet, in our faith systems, in our belief systems, in our political stances, etc. There are expectations, and the church leaders are one source of the rules and regulations.

We have to train our congregations in the way of the good follower: men are the leaders; grace is free only to those who accept it; God will send you to hell if you do not accept his free gift of grace; women are supposed to the loving/caring partners to men; we are also supposed to sacrifice ourselves for the good of god; we are supposed to convert people to think like us; and the list of things to accomplish in your community, in the name of god goes on and on forever. Depending on the church, the denomination, the pastor, or the network that a church belongs to the lists differ slightly, but it is always a list of things that they believe should be carried out in the world today.

However, I would urge the church leaders to take a more realistic approach.

Claiming that the bible is the inerrant word of God written 2000+ years ago by several different authors; whose books were chosen by a series of staunch old men sitting around a table with a specific agenda; and is a series of guideposts for life in the 21st century is a dangerous road to travel. However, we do it so well that it is scary.

Inspiration à Inerrancy is the vein of thought here.

The Bible is written by men, who were inspired by God, which makes it infallible.

Hopefully any semi-educated person can see the failed logic in these accusations.

One can be inspired by a god, and be wrong.

The crusades; the holocaust; the war on terror; the war on drugs; the American dream; the isolation, desolation and desecration of many nations all over this country and beyond; all inspired in some part by a god… does that make them right or infallible, or inerrant? No. Most people would say that these were horrible events in the history of people. However, some churches would have us believe that such events are God's wrath being displayed in our world in order to keep us inline. It shows us that god's willingness to torture and torment us if we do not obey his commands, which were supposed to be fulfilled in the death and resurrection of Jesus.

There are holes in this logic and it makes me wonder: what are we really supposed to be doing here? Are we supposed to be living to avoid the wrath of some vengeful deity that simultaneously send his love and smack the shit out of us? Or are we supposed to take the love that has been given to us and spread it like wildfire to those who surround us; like Jesus said, "Love thy neighbor." There are 2 parts to the Bible: old and new, and the theme of love is everywhere, but we are supposed to fear a vengeful god will condemn us fully and eternally to fire and brimstone.

I don't know.

The grip of my mind's hands is slipping.

My understanding of this will never be fully developed, because as long as there are people willing to take the Bible and create doctrine and stances there will forever be logical flaws.

Be careful when looking for a church, if that is your thing.

Do some reading.

Do some studying.

Do some real thinking about the messages that are being sent into the world by the people who are leading the herd.

We have to love people. Grace is free. Women can be pastors. Look it up, it's there; over and over again.

This is the modern era, and we shouldn't be taking life cues from a culture, religion, and people that lived 2000+ years ago. It is a collection of essays, letters, poems, and random writings pieced together to support a particular agenda—keep this in mind when your church leader starts quoting pieces of these writings as absolute truth for your life today.

Mottos, morals, and words of wisdom are one thing… condemning people today, because of what was customary then is something else entirely.

Where is the love? (August 22 [Everyone])

Warning: The first few lines of this piece are lyrics from a song. The song is called "King Park" by La Dispute. For the rest of the lyrics, just google it. I am using these lines from the song as a spring board into this piece. I have been listening to this band for a while this week, and have had many conversations about a lot of things. Thus, I want to take some time on this Friday evening to process them with you. It may be short, but it may be long. Who knows? You have been warned, so no freaking out!

I thought to slip through the door, I could've entered the room,
I felt the burden of murder, it shook the earth to the core.
Felt like the world was collapsing. Then we heard him speak,
"Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?
Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?
Can I ever be forgiven 'cause I killed that kid?
It was an accident I swear it wasn't meant for him!
And if I turn it on me, if I even it out, can I still get in or will they send me to hell?
Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?"
I left the hotel behind, don't want to know how it ends.

    (Excerpt from "King Park" by La Dispute)


 

This is the last part of the song, the very last haunting words that sung before it ends.

For those of you who are not going to read the rest of the lyrics, nor listen to the song, let me paint you a picture of what has happened up until this point:

  • There is a drive by shooting, a young person shoots another one. The one who gets shot was not the intended target, but dies anyway.
  • The singer takes the perspective of a neighbor who wants to know what happened, so he becomes a ghost (of sorts) to travel back in time to get up close and personal during the shooting.
    • He wants to see the mom, the kid, the body, the blood, etc.
  • Then, there is the funeral where the mom has to bury her son.
  • Word then spreads of where the shooter is residing, holed up in a hotel; the cops surround the place, and the singer is there too.
  • The shooter's uncle is there pleading with him to come out, speaking of forgiveness, and then we get to the final scene, which is provided above.

In this scene we don't see anything, but hear the plea of the shooter. However, there is no resolution, what happened to the shooter? What happened to the uncle? What happened to the mom of the kid who was buried? What happened to the neighborhood? What happened to the rest of the gang? What happened to the person who was supposed to have been shot? All of these questions, and more are left unanswered as the storyteller fades back into his life. He gets up close and personal for a moment, and then leaves. Although, there is a line in the song that says something to the effect of I want to write it all down so I never forget… but still. No real resolution. No answers. No closure. Nothing.

This is usually what happens in the media: we get up close and personal with a story (usually from a single perspective) and then we are left wondering, because they only show a part of the story. There is no "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey once provided us. We are left to assume the worst, and hope for the best—maybe it wasn't so bad; maybe it got better; maybe they survived; maybe they won; maybe they didn't die. No, they died, we just didn't hear about it. No, they didn't survive, it was that bad, the never win, and it never gets better. That's the way of the world, that's the way of life… or so we are led to believe. However, the real question is, what are we doing about it? We sit back, relax, and watch the news tell us exactly what they want us to believe. We are trained to overlook disparities in life; we are coerced to see things from a single perspective, listening to a single story; we are offered only the most entertaining and titillating pieces of news to tie us over until the next big thing scrolls across our monitors. It's sad.

What we don't get to see is the effect the news has on the other. What about the families of the person who is sentenced to life in prison for killing somebody? What about the family of the person who was killed? What about the neighborhood where it took place, how are they dealing with it? Who are we to assume anything about the people, places or events that happened without having been there? Who are we to assume that the murderer is a heartless being who killed the kid in cold blood? You aren't them, you don't know.

"Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself? Can I ever be forgiven 'cause I killed that kid?"

There is this concept that runs rampant in a lot of the Christian circles that I used to run in, and it's something they like to call "Grace." Grace is the concept that allows for the pardon of past discretions for the hope of a better forever. It is the ability to look past indiscretions to see the person as a person. A lot of times this concept gets played out superficially, in that people use it as an excuse to do shitty things to other people. However, when paired with the commandment of Jesus to Love thy neighbor, it takes on a whole new power. To love your neighbor and provide them with grace, means that you look past their indiscretions, because God does. This does not mean you have to like them; this does not mean you are not allowed to have an emotional reaction to their presence; but you have to give them grace with love. God forgives, god provides grace, god loves indefinitely, and we are called to do the same.

As Christians, we do a lot of talking about things, but never seem to get beyond that. There is a lot of talk about being like Jesus, living a life like Jesus, following Jesus as a role model, taking up a daily cross, loving people. When does it stop being lip service and start becoming an action plan? When do we stop fighting about whether or not homosexuals should be able to get married based on laws written over 2000 years ago, and start loving them because they are a part of creation? When we do stop telling people how to live their lives and what to do with their bodies based orally transmitted stories that are over 2000 years old? When do we stop claiming that we are pro-life, but rejoice at somebody being sentenced to death?

Where is the love?

Where is the grace?

Where is the "Christ-like" life that is talked about all the time?

I'm no different, except I don't talk about things.

I keep my mouth shut instead of speak out against the things I see wrong in the world.

I stand by and watch my brothers and sisters struggle day in, and day out, because I'm a coward.

I told my boss/friend the other day that I care a lot about a lot of things, but I can't stand stupid so I don't talk about them.

Instead of having to deal with the ignorance of the masses, I stay silent and join the masses. I stand silently in the back shaking my head and constructing rants to be posted on the internet (must like this one). This is what I do instead of taking action, instead of having the hard conversations, asking the hard questions, pushing for change in my community… I'm a coward.

I would rather be a part of the silent majority than rightfully prosecuted for sticking up for those I know need my help.

I would rather be seen as an innocent bystander, than one who is willing to fight for what is right at any cost.

I would rather be the shadow writing the details of the murder down so as to not forget, then be the uncle pleading outside of the hotel room… preaching about forgiveness.

I get so angry when I read articles about social justice issues that never go far enough. We always highlight the problem, but never present the solutions that we're trying. Angry because I'm not doing anything either. I want to be told what to do. I want to join somebody else's cause, because it's less work. I want to fight behind somebody else, because that way if it gets too hairy I can just duck out. I'm unwilling to commit to the fight if I know I could get hurt… or worse.

I want to make a difference in this world; I want to enact change; I want to see things stopped; I want people to be fully informed; I want to see how the story ends, because it's always a happy ending in the movies.

I see the beginning of the story. I see the middle of the story. I close my eyes before the end, because I'm afraid that I'll have missed my chance to act.

Is it my turn yet?

Can I say something?

Are you listening?

It doesn't matter what the issue. There is always something that can be done. Now is the time to take a stand, out of love and with grace, for the changes that we want to be in the world.

If only…

"Can I still get into heaven if I kill myself?"

"It was an accident I swear it wasn't meant for him!"

"And if I turn it on me, if I even it out, can I still get in or will they send me to hell?"

Will god let me in if I kill myself? Will god see what I've done in this life and tell me I left things undone, unsaid, unaccomplished? We operate out of fear of hell. We operate out of fear of death. We freeze ourselves in place so that we don't make the wrong move. Let's warm up. Let's move around. Let's make some differences in the lives of people who live through hell, here and now.

I'm a coward; afraid to take a public stand against/for anything.

Will you help me?

Will you stand outside my door and bed me to forgive.

Will you shadow me to document my progress?

Will you join me in the battle for change?

I can start by myself, but without the help of others a movement quickly dies. Let us start a movement that is unstoppable. Let us give grace, spread love, and change the world… one person at a time!