Pre-Destination: A Journey for Nothing (August 1, 2014 [Gary])

I sit and I write.
I walk, but never run.
I wake up in the morning; eat some food; take a shower; brush my mustache; and everything else that needs to be taken care of in the morning (near afternoon sometimes).
Moving throughout the day, it feels as if I am going in circles: wake-up, work/school, eat, home, sleep.
The cycle continues.
Is there an end to this madness?
Is there a goal to be achieved?
Am I actually choosing the life I live?
Some people argue that we have free will: the ability to choose our actions, thoughts, and all other aspects of life. Some people argue that we have a bound-will: the ability to choose things, but always under the influence of a guiding spirit person (typically the angel/demon scenario). Some people argue that we all live under the rules of predestination: that all of our actions, thoughts and lives are already planned a head of time and we are set in our path.
It's all very interesting to me. I have been exposed to theologians who argue for free will, bound wills, and predestination. I have been exposed to philosophers who posit that there is no reality outside of the mind, and that you cannot stop into the same river twice. So, how do we know what's really going on? Are we automatons pre-programmed to carry out exactly what we are doing at every given second; or are we freely choosing to do everything that has happened in our life; or is it something in the middle? I don't know.
I sit and I write.
I walk, but never run.
I wake up in the morning and wonder: "What does the universe have planned for me today?"
Without thinking twice, I move through my normal routine: wake up, eat food, shower, brush my mustache; and everything else that needs to be taken care of in the morning (near afternoon sometimes).
Moving throughout the day, it feels like everything is out of my control: I am being guided along a path that has been laid before my feet.
The cycle is always the same.
Is there an end to this madness?
What is the universe leading me towards?
Am I really living?
There are times when I feel as if it would be a lot easier to just give in to the idea of predestination; that way I don't have to answer to anybody about anything. My life choices were no choices at all; it was supposed to happen this way because somebody in the life planning department of the universe wrote it this way. I have never consumed any alcohol, partaken of any illegal drugs, abused any legal medicines, or anything such as that. The life planning department did me a solid there. It has kept me out of a lot of trouble, and has led to a fairly successful life.
It is times like this, when I reflect on my life, that I feel bad for other people. Those who are far less fortunate than I: they don't have homes, they don't have loving families, they don't have healthy lifestyles, and they don't have the option to sit and write about their lives in such a nonchalant way. They are too busy being pulled along the life rope by the universal life machine. There is no respite for them, no down time. It's either keep moving or be pulled from the rope all together—disappearing into the void that is the rest of the universe.
How did I get so lucky?
Who wrote my story?
Can I talk to the person in charge?
I didn't ask for an easier life than you. I didn't ask to be placed into the family that I got. I didn't ask for any of this! I am not afraid to struggle, hurt, work, or anything that you are going through. Granted, I'd rather not deal with a lot of it, but there is a willingness to try it out for a little bit, as long as I can come back to the life that was originally written for me. I would hate to get stuck in the dregs of society for the rest of my time in the universe. To be honest, some of the neighborhoods kind of scare me; and I wouldn't want to be there at night. Plus, are their "black people" there? There are? How about the "brown" ones? They're there too? Oh, umm… well, I am still willing to help them out, but I would much rather not have to GO there to do it—is that mean? I said I was willing to help, but I didn't say I wanted to really see the people I was helping…. Can I just send money?
Why don't they just work harder?
Can't they just stop doing drugs? I mean, I don't do drugs!
Who is taking care of their kids?
Can I talk to the person in charge, those people must not be following the path laid out for them by the Life Planning Department. Their life doesn't look anything like mine, and I'm following the plan laid out for me to the "T." Something must be wrong over there, and I know just how to fix it. MONEY!
In the end, I feel as if there are powers beyond my understanding at work in the universe. Some people called it God, some call it god(s), and some call it great white spirits in the sky. I'm down for whatever you want to throw out there, in the end it doesn't really matter. Some people suffer, while other people look on in amazement and how great their life is compared to the other. It's how the universe planned it I guess. The have's the have not's and everybody else that strive for the middle.
I don't believe in predestination. I'm not completely sold of absolute free will. I often find myself somewhere in the middle: allowing the good spirits and the not so good spirits float just above my shoulders. That way, I have somebody else to blame for the not so great choices I have made along the way—not that there have been many (that I know of).
It is so easy to buy into the universal life planning department ideology when things are going well in our lives, but what about when the bottom drops out? Is that still apart of the plan, or is that blame put on somebody else: the government? Your neighbor? Your dog? If you have a blaming thought, at all, then you are not a proponent of predestination either. So, the next time life is giving you some lumps, ask yourself: do I blame somebody or do I just take them?
Either way, people are still suffering, people are still hurting, and people still need our love. Regardless if loving people was written into your life plan or not, we should be spreading the love to everybody! Life is too precious to waste—unless of course the universal life planning committee did you a solid, and gave you a cushy life like mine—waste away brother, it's too good not to!
Is your journey taking you somewhere exciting, where you can share the love of the universe with others in your path?
Is your journey laid out ahead of you in such a way that you don't have to worry about anything, ever?
Did you choose to read this, or was it already planned?
Either way, your eyes have seen my words. Your brain has interpreted and placed a value on my sentences. Your heart has either accepted my outcry as either truth or fallacy. I hope for the former, but will accept the latter as well.
It is your journey, predestined or not, and I pray you find a way to leave this place a little better than what you found it—it's good practice.
I sit and I write.
I think and I hope.
I pray and pray.
Please let there be more to life than following a path.
Please let there be more to my journey than circling the drain.
Please DON'T let there be a universal life planning department.
Please DON'T let them find me if there is.
I sit… because I want to.
I write… because I have to!