The Straight Edge Bartender. (August 16 [BMFK (Brett])

Tonight is the night.

Tonight is the night that I take the stage by storm.

Tonight is the night that I don't make any mistakes.

Tonight is the night that I stand tall, and proud, and handsome.

Tonight is the night that it comes together.

Tonight is the night that I finally take the first step towards my goal.

Tonight is the night I become the Straight Edge Bartender.

I have never taken the steps to, formally, be introduced to the topic.

I have never consumed alcohol in my life.

I have never mixed a drink.

I have never poured a beer.

I have never poured a shot.

I have never shaken, nor stirred, a martini.

I have never been bought a shot, and nor been beckoned to "drink with us."

I have never stood behind a bar and listened to the woes of the sorrowful man sitting across from me at 1am.

Will you teach me?

Will you show me what it takes to be a good tender of the bar?

Will you enlighten me in the ways that only a listener of constant problems can do?

Will you push me into the abyss that is the bar, and watch as I sink or swim on my own?

Will you jump in with me, as I take the plunge into the great unknown?

Will you stand by me and help me along the way, like a true mentor and friend would do?

Will you listen to my sorrows from across the bar as I milk my Root Beer at 1am, on my day off?

Will you pull me out when it becomes too much to handle?

I know this all sounds absurd, that I don't know what I'm getting myself into.

I know that I have what it takes to make a difference in this world, be it bar or classroom.

I know I have a listening ear, and a consoling spirit.

I know that there is more to tending bar than knowing what goes in a Shirley temple, or a sex on the beach, or a screwdriver.

I know you think I'm crazy, but isn't it just memorization of numbers and experimentation with flavors?

I know I can do anything I put my mind to… I've mastered the Straight Edge Pipe Salesman.

I know you're not really going to help me out.

I know you're going to stand back, watch, and laugh as I make a fool out of myself for the first 3 months.

I know that after the first 3 months, you're going to be shocked at how well I am doing.

The adventure begins here.

The adventure beings now.

The adventure of the Straight Edge Bartender!