What happens next?
Where do I go from here?
These are often the hardest questions to answer, because we really have no idea. We see life pass before our eyes and wish we could just grab a hold a go for the ride too. That's the point, I feel like, I am at right now. Nothing spectacular is happening, but I feel like I'm missing out on life, on adventure, and dreams coming true.
I have only had one day of class and I'm already back to the mindset that this is all a waste of time and money. It wasn't even a particularly difficult class to get through either, if anything it's probably a projection of my fear for tomorrow. I have 3 class back to back, and I'm scared. I'm afraid of having to do 30+ hours of practicum hours, working 30+ hours a week, doing homework, writing lesson plans, writing papers, finding time to continue writing, and anything else I might want to add to this list of things to do. This is the path I have chosen, and I want off. However, the question then becomes, what are you going to do?
I quit a full time job because I was going back to school, but my friends can attest that all I did was bitch about the job. Mostly because of the people I was working "for," who feigned a real interest in what we were doing, but didn't really put forth effort into really knowing what we did. It was bullshit, and it made me really angry to have to deal with it. That and they weren't going to pay me enough to stay part-time while I went to school—got bills to pay! I was accepted to a 2-year teaching program that would have sent me to North Carolina to teach Middle School Science, but I turned it down because I found out I got accepted to the school I am currently attending.
Before that, I studied religion and human services, volunteered at a church in Milwaukee for a year, and then starting working again. It has been a long winding path that has led to this point where I decided to write for 31 days straight. What am I doing with my life?
I don't know the answer to that either, however this isn't the point. The point is August is coming to a close, which means that this project will be wrapping up in the next week or so. This, then, means that I need to figure out what comes next. Do I keep writing? Do I take a break? Do I revisit older pieces and make them better? Do I embark on different creative projects? I don't know.
Hopefully by the time this month is over I will have a better picture of what the next few months will look like in terms of school and such. Then I can really figure out what comes next. Some of the ideas I have had are presented above, but then an interesting idea was to take pictures for these writings, or other writings to I suppose would work as well (since some of these aren't very good).
I have never been really into taking pictures, other to document cool stuff I have witness along the way: trip to Denver, trip to Milwaukee, Root Beer, etc. I have never really been into taking pictures, but it could be an interesting challenge—find visuals for the pieces I write. Or take pictures and write pieces about them. Remembering the moment, the feelings, the time, the day, everything about it captured in a single frame, then turned into some magical words. I don't know.
I just needed to write for today, since I fell behind, and this is what came out. I'm sure there are more meaningful things I could write about, but the goal was to write every day, not neccesarily produce works of art. So there!
Nonetheless.
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