The Search for a Home (August 4 [Amy])

Home on the range…
Home is where the heart is…
Home is in heaven…
Home Alone (1,2 &3)
Home.
I want to be home. I want to be in a place where I feel so comfortable that I am free to be myself. Not the self that manifests in daily life; not the self that I create each and every morning before looking myself in the mirror. No, I want to be the true me. The real me. I want to be home.
Does one buy a home? Does one find a home? Does one stumble upon a home? Does one create a home? Please, somebody tell me how I get there because I'm tired. I need rest. I need to be free again. Where is my home? Why can't I find it?
What happens when you give your heart away too many times and it is no longer whole enough to direct you to your home?
I don't like being outdoors, so the range isn't for me.
Heaven… well, maybe another day.
Yes, I'm alone. Searching for a home.
To find a place where we truly belong, where there is no pressure to be anything other than ourselves, is what we seek. The question is will we know we found it when we get there? Is this place where I sit and write these words my home? Is the place where my parents reside; the place where my brother drops off his kids so my dad can watch them; the place where I did most of my growing up and fighting and surviving; is that my home? Is my home the stage where I recite the words that I put down on paper in front of a few empty faces? Where is it? What is it? What are we looking for? Will we know it if we find it?
I don't know.
I do not have the answers to any of my questions. I just sit, wonder and hope that one day I will be able to say, "Honey, I'm home!" and know, without a shadow of doubt, that I have arrived and am there to stay. Until then…
Home on the range…
Home is where the heart is…
Home is in heaven…
Home Alone?
Home… I'm looking for you. Send up a flare so I know I'm headed in the right direction… leave a light on so the boogey man doesn't get me… send the search party, I might be lost… home. I'm coming, but it might take me a minute to get my bearings enough to get out of my head and free my heart.
I'm coming but don't wait up… I still have a key!