Elephants Never Forget, but I wish I could... (August 21 [Cecelia])

There is an adage that goes, "An elephant never forgets."

This is witnessed in the wild as they stop at places where they have lost loved ones; they grieve at the side of the deceased for days; they maintain a mental map of all the best grub spots; and they're just magnificent beasts.

They are the largest land animal we have around today. They can trample anything. They eat a ton. They drink a ton (but not through their trunks). They roll in the dirt. They play. They fight. They circle the wagons when in danger. It's awesome. Plus, they never forget.

They hold on to things. They remember things forever. They don't let go of their loved ones. They don't move on. They move forward while still maintaining the life that they once had as well. The forge ahead in spite of the pain, in spite of the loss, in spite of everything….

Is it healthy?

Is it the right thing to do?

It works for the elephants, but it doesn't work for me.

If I were an elephant I would want to move on. I would have a clean break. I would want to know that if I leave somebody behind (for the right reasons of course), that their mojo is not going to haunt me for the rest of my days. I don't want to remember everything. I don't want to hang on to everything. I don't want to continue living life as a single steam of consciousness. I want to forget.

I want to move on with my life as if certain things never happened. All of those times that bring back nightmares; all of those times that send me into cold sweats; all of those times… I would much rather forget that they happened and move on with life as if it were sunshine and rainbows. The dark times in life that have molded me into the person I am today will always be there, but I don't want to remember.

I want to live life in the sunshine.

I want to live life under the rainbow.

I want to live life for the future, without having to constantly battle the demons of my past. I put them to rest, and yet they keep coming back. They remind me of that one time… They remind me of that one place… they remind me. They are like an elephant, they never forget to remind me of everything!

I've told the stories to everybody who feigned an interest in listening.

I've recounted the events in writing over and over again: journals, blogs, rants, raves, poems, etc.

I finally got to a place where the dreams had subsided. I entered a place where my soul was at ease and was making forward progress. Let's remember that. Let's hold onto that. Let's go there.

I can never forget what has happened in my life. I will always grieve my lost loved ones. I will always remember "that one time, at that one place." People, places and events are all engrained in my heart, soul and mind.

Just like the adage goes, "Elephants never forget," but sometimes I wonder if they wish they could… I know I do!